Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Its a good thing I don't gamble.

Well, I don't gamble in casinos, but I do enter drawings and occasionally make bets with food prizes. And I play cards. On Sunday. But sorry Miss Bart, not for money.
So, I am unwrapping caramels for a cheesecake, and I had to test one. Before I had even sunk my nonvampire teeth in completely, I was unwrapping the next one. Its a habit. I guess its like the cereal thing, except I always had candy when I was a kid. No reason to be greedy, except for my greedy and addictive personality.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Please check your sanity at the door

WARNING: The following is merely a combination of racquetball and ranting, so if you have recently been questioning your own personal level of sanity or insanity, it might make you feel a bit better.

I have the Happy Birthday song from Beginning French stuck in my head: Bon Anniversaire, Gustave! Better that than the expletives that I remember from the last book I had to boycott. Come On! Is all of that language really necessary? However, it's easier to overlook when they are in french. Like my favorite book ever, is full of french expletives, but I didn't pick up on it until near the end. I was really in denial because I had to finish it. It was the The Three Muskateer saga if anyone wants to know. Quel age avez vous, Gustave?

I know I have had a series of plaintive posts, but I have just been in a funk. So don't read it if you don't like it. Would you like a cookie? Okay, so I have a curse. Several, in fact, but this one in particular has followed me since high school. I find something that annoys me about Thing 1. (not a reference to my oldest child) I complain about it to Thing 2. I get over it, and realize that nobody is perfect. Two months later, guess who can't make it on time to church? Thing me. Its always stupid stuff like the way people trim their azalea bushes, or leave their shoes all over the house, or let their kids run wild in church (ha, those are my kids). SO whatever affliction I find someone else has, I suddenly come down with it too. I hate learning to be nice by such force! The problem would go away if I were truly charitable which I am not (but desperately want to be). Charity. Can't I buy that on Amazon.com? Not even with Shrute bucks? IF only it were so easy to get the qualities I want, like the one where I don't act like Judge Judy?

Speaking of Dwight Shrute, Samuel was playing in their bedroom and was trying to show his piggy bank off, and pulled the whole shelf down. The contents of which were thus: 2 Piggy Banks holding $2 each (sad, i know), a wad of stuffed animals that I never could part with and slyly gave them to Sam, and two Troy State bobbleheads. I have never heard such crying in my life. Collin's poor bobblehead. Just kidding. Well, it was broke, as everyone says now, but Sam was the one who was distraught. That is all connected to Dwight Shrute because 1) all i can think of is him when i see a bobblehead, and 2) he has a mii on our wii.

I am putting off the dishes, the closet that I didn't finish yesterday, showering (due to extra kids at my casa), and cleaning the filters on my vacuum cleaner. I did make the most delicious pizza ever last night, and didn't clean up completely. Its hindering my lunch cooking abilities Sam always tells me that his legs made him do it. So I guess I will have to let my hands make me do it.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Ode to My Offspring

I do love my boys and almost every ounce of trouble they get into. Its funny most of the time. Its much amusing when it's Collin chasing them. I only very occasionally feel plagued by them, like when this happens:

I am at Sam's Club eating pizza and there are like 6 men and a lady with a big dog in training that my kids are scared of at the tables surrounding us. Jacob is starving even though I just fed him right before we left, so I am nursing Jacob. Then Cooper decides it would be nice to sit by me, on me, or on top of Jacob, while holding the huge soda cup they give you. Then Sam decides its a good time to smother Jacob in kisses, and is knocking Cooper out of the way in the process; soda is sloshing and milk is going everywhere because Jacob thinks they are excessively funny. All the while trying to keep covered, which I promise no hooter hider could help here. Maybe if they made a lactation lounger (big enough for the whole family!).

How can you get through that happily without loving your kids enough not to smack them? Amazingly, that happens too. The loving part is easy, its the not smacking that makes me feel like I have accomplished something great. I guess I feel more pressure for them to behave at church where people know his name, and mine. Oh why did I ever use to torment my mother? If I had known what awaited me, I would have chosen different ways to embarrass her.

So I know I make it sound like my kids only get on my nerves, but the truth is, they are really sweet and funny, and I am fairly addicted.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Anyone need a Super hero?

So, its been a while. I seem to read that a lot on blogs. Well, it has been a while, and so while I try to think of the funniest thing to share, for the sake of sharing, and also so that the "look a like o meter" isn't taking top billing any longer.

While this picture looks cute, I might add, I assure that no one went to sleep there. They all got sent to a bed. Cooper would not sleep, Sam would not let Saxton sleep, and Saxton was the only one who wanted to sleep.

Sam, like all of the other children who share his fate, started Kindergarten recently. Tomorrow will be his first full day, and he is full of questions about how long school will take. (The rest of your juvenile life and then some!) He is currently obsessed with the waste of time that he thinks nap time will be. A waste of time because he won't be playing in the toys or something. My favorite thing he has said so far is, "Mom, Kindergarten is making me sick." Too bad he tries to use that one as an excuse to stay home from church.
My questions for any readers with advice are these:
1) How do get him to stop fidgeting? and
2) At what point am I allowed to turn my head and pretend none of it is happening?
Just kidding. But seriously need suggestions. Like, I would love to ignore the fact that he is running through the chapel during the meeting, and playing on the stage, whipping the curtains around, (where the speakers can see, of course) and flying power rangers through primary. Insanity is a side effect of having kids, right?