Monday, September 14, 2009

You are FIRED!

"Honey, the freezer got left open and is completely defrosted." Well, this is what every woman wants to hear at 5:58 am. Awesome. Followed by: "And Cooper wet his bed." Then I hear for the vast majority of the day, different rendetions, mind you: "Whaaaaaaaaa!"

So Sam indeed left the freezer open yesterday morning, after obtaining a gogurt. My mistake, I should have put his snacks in the inside freezer, or at least checked the freezer to make sure it wasn't standing wide open before I went off to enjoy a blissful night of sleep.

And Cooper indeed, did wet his bed this morning. Not in the middle of the night, for which I am very glad, but wet pee pee sheets are wet pee pee sheets.

Jacob is a different story. He is 17 months today. (One more month until nursery! ) I am reminded of a time when I worked as a temp. I apparently worked too fast. They told me to slow down and pace myself. Sure in a hotdog eating contest, I thought. But time and time again, I ran out of work. I was just too efficient! And I didn't have anything to worry about like real work. I was frustrating the project leader, probably because my amazing work and fantastic hair was making him look bad. Well, Jacob is making me look bad. He is most efficient at his work. And he has fantastic hair. I have tried the same stategy! Slow down! Pace yourself! One box of Legos is enough to dump out at one time! Climbing on the counter is not permitted! Especially when you dump out my purse, or throw my cup of water on the floor! His ground tactics are bad enough. He likes to put things in the toilet. Most recently: Sam's underwear. He likes to hang out in my fridge too, so I find bottles of salad dressing all over the house. He is a master of devastation and destruction. he is just too good at his job. Can't I fire him for this?

Good news for all of you! He is for hire. His current skills include: ironing, destroying phones, spraying the junky clorox ready mop all over the house, bringing in toys covered with dirt, and cleaning the bathroom floors with bath water.